The Skill of Receiving (That Nobody Teaches Us) - And How It Gives You Energy!

I was sitting in a crowded, noisy restaurant when a waitress leaned in and told me she loved my necklace, and how well it worked with my shirt. It was a small moment, ten second exchange, but I felt the kindness of it move through my whole body, and I turned to her, beaming, and said thank you.

That correction has stayed with me, because of something my mentor taught me about compliments. A compliment is an energy gift. When someone gives you one, they’re handing you something real, and when you receive it fully, you’re actually giving a gift back to them. In that moment with the waitress, we had a genuine energy exchange.  She gave, I received, and then I gave right back to her simply by letting her compliment land and thanking her for it.

I didn’t always know how to do that. For years, I deflected compliments without even noticing I was doing it. Someone would say something kind about what I was wearing and I’d hear myself say, “Oh, I’ve had this for years,” or “I got it on sale,” or “Someone gave it to me.” I hear other women do this constantly too, as if we’re waving off the compliment because some part of us doesn’t feel worthy of receiving it.

Here’s what I’ve come to understand, though. When you deflect a compliment, you’re not being humble, you’re deflating the energy someone just offered you. The art of receiving is learning to let that energy fully in, rather than batting it away. Fully receiving a compliment is genuinely a skill, one I’ve been practicing and exploring more intentionally in my own life.

This has me thinking about every interaction I have as an opportunity to build energy, both inside myself and between me and whoever I’m with. 

Are you aware of how much you build your energy when you’re with someone, versus how much you drain it? I used to say things like, “That person drains my energy,” and what I didn’t realize was that I was putting the responsibility on them instead of owning my own energy, no matter who I was with or what was happening.

You can give energy and you can receive energy, and when you’re aware of that exchange, you keep building more of it. If I’m with someone whose energy isn’t building them or me, it’s still my job to stay steady in my own energy. That steadiness is its own skill, separate from whether someone hands you a compliment or hands you something harder.

I think this is exactly the work we get to do as wisdom keepers over 50, to keep energy moving inside ourselves and with the people around us. Movement, breath, and mindset are how we keep that energy moving. They’re the tools that help us hold it.

I’d love to know how you receive compliments. Would you rate yourself as exceptional, medium, or not so great? I’ve been all three at different points, and it really is a process to learn how to receive well. Wherever you are with it now, you can always build your ability to receive more, and get better at both giving and receiving in return.